i’m a fat 20 year old mississippian currently residing in the north side of chicago. i’m a junior business administration major at uic with no real plans on what i want to do with my future.i currently work returning “guests” shit (both their merchandise and attitudes) at target. in my spare time i photograph bands for no real reason except i love to do it, lay in bed, shop online religiously anywhere that offers a nice range of plus size clothing, and watch the majority of tv shows everyone freaks out about without falling too deeply into fandom (it’s a dangerous place).

i’m a fat 20 year old mississippian currently residing in the north side of chicago. 

i’m a junior business administration major at uic with no real plans on what i want to do with my future.i currently work returning “guests” shit (both their merchandise and attitudes) at target.

in my spare time i photograph bands for no real reason except i love to do it, lay in bed, shop online religiously anywhere that offers a nice range of plus size clothing, and watch the majority of tv shows everyone freaks out about without falling too deeply into fandom (it’s a dangerous place).

i am just sitting here all ‘what all should i pack’ because i need to make everyone think that i am doing well even if it’s not always the case and i feel pressured to go get my eyebrows and nails done tomorrow even though i shouldn’t spend the money because i want to look good. not only for my family’s sake but if i run into anyone i know (which i will, i always do) i want them to be like WOAH YEAH MOVING OUT OF HERE DID HER A LOT OF GOOD! even if that’s not totally the case all the time. it’s such a weird thing living in such a small town for so long and then moving far far away and only coming home a few times a year. it’s like i feel like i have quite a bit to prove even though i don’t owe anyone anything. when i lived there i would go out practically in pajamas sometimes and not even care much but when i visit i have to get completely dressed up and it is such a pain in the ass ahhhh i should just stay home. 

today was so stressful and kind of great and now i’m on a megabus a full day earlier than planned because i made a mistake on when a final was and missed it yesterday. i have to go in and speak to my professor at 8:30 and try and convince him i’m worthy of taking it today despite fucking up.

i’m actually not, considering it’s based on test grades and attendance. the latter has tailored off here at the end of the semester and i just hope i can give him a convincing enough argument to deter that.

i’m already so worried i’m going to fail my math class, i hope that this works out. i can’t afford failing two classes this semester. hell, i’ve never failed anything in my life.

despite that, i spent the earlier part of yesterday riding with friends to st louis to see fun. they sold out a 3100 capacity theatre and it’s surreal to me how far they’ve come. i’ll be the first to admit i didn’t really listen or get to see them until 2010, as a matter of fact the first time i saw them was exactly two years ago from last night. steel train was opening for them and they sold out only a week prior to the show. i drove all the way to atlanta (a similar five hour drive from my home in mississippi at the time as the drive between chicago and st louis that was made for this show) alone and the one person from my group of friends who planned to go and the one least interested in them at the time. i went to the show without a ticket and only a photo pass which the person in charge of their press told me wouldn’t act as a ticket. i uncertainly drove five hours for a band i didn’t even know that much about and listened to continuously on the drive and got in and had a wonderful experience.

despite my lack of listening to the band much before that day, i cried during take your time. i had chills from the time nate came to greet the crowd. it was unlike most any concert experience i’d had prior or since. i’d never seen a musician tear up from being overwhelmed with gratuity for a crowd before. i could tell that they were grateful anyone would come out, let alone a sold out room of fans. i have been so impressed with fun. every time i’ve seen them and i guess it’s no surprise that after that night they became one of my favorite bands.

i’ve got be calm tattooed on my arm that i got done alongside one of my best friends who really got me interested in the band to begin with. even now it’s one song i can listen to that puts me in a complete state of catharsis.

i saw fun. a lot the summer of 2011, right as they began playing some of the tracks that would be coming out on some nights. i was so anxious for this album and i hadn’t even been waiting as long as most of their fans at the time.

the production on some nights still isn’t something i completely condone. the auto tune is unnecessary, the lyrics are weaker than that of aim and ignite, but honestly i have easily looked past these things and i have managed to see them even as their fame has skyrocketed. it’s strange to see a band headlining over the bands they used to open for so few years ago, sell out venues so hastily that they couldn’t even sell out as openers for bigger bands for less than a year ago, and go to shows like i did last night where the crowd had little in common aside from (mostly, i assume) hearing a song they enjoyed on the radio. i watched kids younger than 12 and their parents both sing along to most of the tracks on some nights and i saw a band i almost didn’t recognize give them the basis for this.

there was something surreal about tonight and almost sad. they didn’t play take your time coming home, one song i have yet to see them not play at a show. the band was on point as always but nate came on with a confident swagger and went straight into the beginning of one foot without even looking around the room. a room that is one of the largest shows they’ve played outside of colleges, i’d assume. the smiling was there, there was evident joy from what was happening but it was weird. different, almost foreign. i didn’t feel much of anything and that scares me.

the best part of my night was seeing friends i don’t get to see enough and not the show itself. i’m not saying i don’t still love this band, or that i won’t try and see them again. i’m just saying i experienced my first disconnect with them in two years and admit that i’m selfish and hope this fame thing slows down.

i should probably study for my final some as we’re nearing into chicago.